Divrei Tazria
Insult
Chazal explain to us that
tzara’as, the primary topic of this week’s parsha, is a physical symptom of a
sickened neshamah. In all the Torah, the only other physical manifestation of a
spiritual malady comes at the explosive demise of a guilty sotah. Clearly,
tzara’as is a sign of a grave illness.
Chazal (Erchin 15b) also tell us that a major cause of tzara’as is loshon hora. When Klal Yisroel needed a systematic codification of the laws of loshon hora, Hashem sent it. The publication of Chofetz Chaim and its companion work, Shmiras HaLoshon, announced to the Torah world that Hashem had bestowed the light of a great gadol over Klal Yisroel. Not only did we enjoy the privilege of having such a tzaddik and posek in our midst, but his books continue to dazzle and inspire us to this very day.
Indeed, not only do the works of the Chofetz Chaim reflect entirely the teachings of Chazal that they are based upon, they express those teachings through a keen understanding of human nature which transcends time and space. Even though sleepy nineteenth-century Poland bore little external resemblance to the America-on-line-at-cyberspeed of today, the Chofetz Chaim’s writings retain their freshness and vigor, as if they were composed on a word processor, as opposed to an ink-dipped pen.
For example, Shmiras HaLoshon, which provides the hashgophic background to the sin of loshon hora, is divided into three main parts. The Sha’ar HaZechirah, the Gate of Remembrance, gathers, arranges, and explains many of Chazal’s statements about the incredible gravity of loshon hora and the correspondingly great reward awaiting those who guard their tongues. The Sha’ar HaTevunah, the Gate of Understanding, outlines a number of strategies which can be used to avoid loshon hora. The Sha’ar HaTorah, the Gate of Torah (which the Chofetz Chaim admits in his forward is the most dear to him) expands upon the famous axiom, “What should a baal loshon hora do [to save himself from the terrible consequences]? If he is a talmid chochom, let him learn Torah.”
While Chazal minced no words in delineating Hashem’s utter disdain for a ba’al loshon hora and the horrible effects of his words, perhaps ultimately the most frightening concept mentioned in the Sha’ar HaZechirah comes in the third chapter. The Chofetz Chaim explains that aside from its well-known destructive effects, loshon hora has a power all its own.
The Mishnah (Avos 3:1) states that all our actions in this world are being recorded in Heaven. Chazal explained this concept in terms of lists. Every one of us has two lists, one of all the mitzvos that he or she committed over the course of time, and one of the aveiros.
One would think that these lists are inerasable running tallies. Not so, say Chazal. There are several ways to subtract items from either list. One is through teshuvah, which can go both directions. Just as a sinner’s sincere regret for his past misdeeds can cause them to be lessened, obliterated, or even transformed into mitzvos (depending upon the level of teshuvah); if a person were to regret his previous mitzvos, he could shrink them, destroy them outright, or actually turn them into aveiros! The Chovos Halevavos (Sha’ar Yichud HaMa’aseh , the Gate of Wholehearted Devotion 5), warns us that one of the Yetzer Hora’s favorite tricks is to cause a Jew to wish he had not done good deeds. For HaRav Avigdor Miller zt”l brings an example: if a lady has been successfully urging her husband to learn Torah, she must take care. If she finds herself among some chatty friends who begin to complain about how their husbands’ Torah learning takes them away from the home, and (just to be agreeable) she opens her mouth and lets out “I agree!” she may have lost much of her reward for those years of supporting her husband’s learning.
Another way of subtracting from one’s lists comes through loshon hora itself. Says the Chofetz Chaim in the name of the Chovos Halevavos, (Sha’ar HaChna’ah, Gate of Humility 7) loshon hora causes an incredible exchange to occur. Two people, Reuven and Shimon, have lists in Heaven of their mitzvos and aveiros. Reuven speaks loshon hora about Shimon. Not only does Reuven acquire that sin of loshon hora (which can involve many transgressions for every word he utters, according to the introduction to Chofetz Chaim) on his record, but something else happens. Some of Reuven’s mitzvos migrate to Shimon’s list of mitzvos, and some of Shimon’s aveiros move to Reuven’s list! The Chovos HaLevavos brings real-life cases: when tzaddikim discovered that others had spoken loshon hora about them, they thanked the speakers for the favor!
Says the Chofetz Chaim, look at the results of this dynamic. “A person performs Torah and mitzvos for a week or two,” he says, “Then he encounters a fellow Jew and speaks loshon hora about him. Immediately, he unwittingly transfers his gains to that Jew and picks up that Jew’s sins. He then returns to his course of Torah and mitzvos until the next victim of his loshon hora comes along, and a similar exchange takes place. So he goes until the day of his petira. This person may leave this world utterly empty of merit, yet crammed with other’s sins!” We cannot imagine the horrible surprise in store for such people in Olam Habah.
While the Sha’ar HaTevunah does contain some hands-on advice for avoiding loshon hora on the spot, the Chofetz Chaim devotes most of its chapters to showing how developing good midos is the best vaccine against this contagious epidemic. For example, not only can possessing the midah of savlanus, forbearance, save a person from much grief, but it can even function as a third path to having one’s sins expunged from the record. The Chofetz Chaim cites Avos D’Rebbi Nosson, who states, “Learn to accept the pain and forgive an insult, and it will then be easy to guard one’s tongue; for if not, you will have to strengthen yourself constantly to avoid telling others all about your issues with those who have insulted you. . . . For even if someone insults you to your face, know that all is from Hashem to cleanse you of your sins, which really are the ones that are insulting you.”
Says the Chofetz Chaim, the Torah expects us to take on a completely different attitude towards insults. We are not to take them at face value and therefore instinctively attempt to insult back. Rather, we are to see them as opportunities to purify our souls.
Someone who is insulted is therefore presented with a tremendous challenge and an equally tremendous opportunity. The highest level of response comes if he can understand the insult for what it really is – a golden opportunity from Hashem to clean his neshamah. Then not only will he not respond, he will actually rejoice! In fact, the Midrash Tanchumah advises us to feel even greater happiness from insults than from compliments, for the latter do not rid our souls of stain. The next lower level comes when he is silent, but does not rejoice. Then comes responding, but not insulting back. Then comes the low level of returning the insult, which is no less a sin than the original insult. The most abysmal level is to taste cheap revenge by speaking loshon hora of the insulter. One then has lost it all; not only does he not shed his aveiros, but the opposite occurs: his mitzvos leave him and travel to the insulter, and the insulter’s aveiros attach themselves to him. Wouldn’t it be the irony of ironies if, after Shimon insults Reuven and Reuven slanders Shimon back, that Shimon’s original sin of insulting Reuven migrates to Reuven, and Reuven finds himself punished for insulting himself?
Still, the challenge is difficult; at the moment of insult, one is so seething that many hours of learning hilchos loshon hora can be brusquely pushed aside in self-righteous anger. To prepare for these inevitable times, one must make himself into that kind of person who combines refined midos with a keen awareness of Hashem in every facet of life. For such a person, an insult is a welcome message from Hashem, and speaking or believing loshon hora is unthinkable. For example, the Bostoner Rebbitzen recounted in her autobiography that when a shidduch was proposed between her and the Bostoner Rebbe ylc”t, one grudge-bearing individual tried to break the shidduch by speaking motzi shem rah (false loshon hora) about him to her side; and another, about her to his side. Neither side believed any of it, the shidduch went through, and a great dynasty was replanted, first in America, then in Israel.
Commented the Rebbitzen, “I just couldn’t understand people doing things like that.”